To keep myself amused and/or to scream into the void, I kept a diary of the occasional day here and there.
Thought I’d post here for posterity.
Without further ado:
Quitting smoking day 2 – 9:35am:
For comparison’s sake, I cracked at about 8:15am yesterday. So FUCK YEAH. NEW HIGH SCORE!
I’m not feeling the cravings as much. Patches appear to be helping but may be a placebo effect (they’re working too well. I haven’t called anything a cunt yet). But something is puzzling me…
What the hell do you non-smokers do all day?
I have spent the last five minutes wandering around listlessly looking for something to do. Had a crack on the guitar for about 10 minutes, gave the Xbox a look and a hearty “meh” soon after, now I’m just watching Youtube and prepping for editing work that I have been neglecting for months.
Okay granted, I’m home sick from work so there’s the extra boredom factor to tackle, but work has smoke breaks, and lunch, and whatnot, so I’d probably feel the same way there, too.
I bought a Rubix cube to distract myself. I’m going to solve the fucking thing by tonight at this rate. Good lord.
Is this what non-smoking life is like? Just being endlessly fucking bored?
“Oh being a non smoker is soooo great. You can breathe better, and less likely to die of horrible diseases, and doing any amount of exercise doesn’t fucking send you to an early grave, and you won’t sound like Tom Waits!”
Yeah, great. All for what? To stare at a fucking wall all day? How the hell do you people keep yourselves entertained?
And for the record, hypothetical non-smoker person; Tom Waits is a fucking champ. Those dulcet tones that sound like a badger being force-fed a running lawnmower make people weep, okay? Don’t make me car-bomb you for being a fucking embarrassment.
May 2nd, 2017
Quitting smoking, day three – 10.00am
24 hours without a single cigarette. Yeah, great, whatever, well done me.
I’d be more excited except I have a severe case of “that facemelty thing that happens when you open the Ark of the Covenant”, everything hurts, and I stayed up till the wee hours playing DayZ. Mostly because Dead by Daylight hates my dinosaur of a computer.
Let’s talk about DayZ for a minute, shall we?
That shit isn’t conducive to quitting smoking.
First off, your character is completely fucking hopeless. You start off with basically nothing, and hungry, and they won’t shut the fuck up about how hungry they are until you down three cans of beans and two powdered milks. Then they’re thirsty, so off you go in the middle of bumfuckistan to find a gazillion cans of pepsi. Just when you think you have that shit covered, BAM! Hungry again.
Who the hell is this hungry all the time? I’m more sugar than human at this point, and I can last basically three quarters of a day without eating. C’mon dude. pick your game up.
Then there’s the thing where you’re in the middle of Bumfuckistan.
You were spawned in Bumfuckistan,
you are continually hungry or thirsty in Bumfuckistan,
you will inevitably die in Bumfuckistan.
Where are all the cities? I’ve managed to find large towns and then got stuck at a coastal area with a lighthouse and died of starvation because Dudley Dickhead didn’t have food in 2.5 seconds.
At least he’s got being a zombie down pat; wander around aimlessly (you don’t get a map, so your best hope is to just find a road and hope it doesn’t lead to the fucking Lighthouse), satisfy eternal hunger, get stuck on stairs, or rocks, or flat concrete, or an infinite plane.
Oh, and holy shit you’re bad at combat. Like I get you’re not meant to be the Terminator or anything, but surely your numbnuts of a character can swing a fucking axe. Any time a melee weapon hits it just makes this unsatisfying “paff” sound. Jesus fucking christ, throwing toilet paper would do a better job.
Oh, and forget about unarmed fighting; the dude’s boxer stance just gives you false confidence. You’re going to die. Your character has all the punching power of an infant.
For some reason it’s running better on my computer now, so there’s that. plus even on low rez it’s rather pretty. I would have stuck around to admire the scenery, but Dudley Dickhead died of starvation again and I was re-respawned near the lighthouse.
May 3rd, 2017
Might help if I don’t derp and accidentally post non-Youtube shit into a youtube community…
Making good on one of my non-quitting-smoking resolutions… A sketch a week, or day, or whenever the fuck I feel like it.
Not sure if this is meant to be an ogre or self portrait…
January 8th, 2015
I haven’t had a smoke for 7 hours and I’ve already yelled at everything in the house.
To everyone who has to deal with me on a regular basis: I am so fucking sorry.
September 10th, 2018
First smoke of the day. It tastes like deep-fried shit with shit frosting…
Progress?
May 6th, 2015
Barely a few hours in and already I’m a snarling hellbeast.
Yeeeeah. next few days are going to be GREAT!
May 5th, 2015
Cracked after 4 hours…
Clearly I’m the hero Gotham deserves…
May 5th 2015
Okay. For reals this time. Take 2 and all that.
Have patches on, brain is still melting.
May 5th, 2015
Normally this would be worth a mere eye-roll. But seriously, Globe. I’m quitting smoking here. Don’t make me car-bomb you for being such a fucking embarrasment…
May 7th, 2015
Tonight’s episode of “I’m having withdrawals and I must scream”
Can we stop ‘breaking the internet’ already? You can’t break the internet. It’s the internet. No, not even Kim Kardashian’s probably-fake ass can break the internet.
The only thing that could break the internet is Liam Neeson’s giganto-cock. Pretty sure that dude woke up with morning wood one time and caused 9/11…
Hoo boy this is one of those posts where I wish I was younger and didn’t know any better. But I’m turning 40 this year.
Fuck.
For those who don’t know, I’m a pretty staunch Neil Gaiman fan. I have a bunch of his books, poured several hundo into The Absolute Sandman, bought the humble bundle, went to see him (and Kevin Smith!) at Graphic, and we follow each other on Last.FM (remember that?).
For those who somehow have been living under a rock, it turns out Neil Gaiman is -shall we say- a wee bit of a grub.
Ok fine he’s a piece of shit.
I’m no genius on the nuances of depravity and sexual assault (hint: there are none, it seems), but I’ve talked about it with people, tried to rationalize it the best way I can, read both sides of the story (well, Neil’s responses and that fairly detailed article on Vulture), and yup. No can do this time.
At first I thought maybe -just maybe- this was a once off anomaly, bad judgement of a man in his 60’s, a misread situation, another wannabe Dom who didn’t read the fucking manual (and maybe I still think that, in a way. I mean, we’ve all made mistakes, right?). But it’s hard to justify that when Gaiman is incredibly smart, incredibly well-read, worldy, a wise sage and a fantastic storyteller. One whose worlds I have been enthralled by, engaged with, and -as much as one can do with a book- lived in.
To wit; he knows what he fucking did, and he knows what he did was wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, maybe he was misguided, but real, breathing, living fucking (and seemingly vulnerable)people got hurt in the process.
Hurt enough to report it as abuse.
As someone who is a fan of his work, it’s heartbreaking, sure (I’m still not over Rik Mayall’s passing, so this is gonna take some time). But as someone with a little bit of a conscience and common sense, it’s appalling, and upsetting (I guess I know how all the trans/enby/queer folk feel about J.K. Rowling now).
But who the fuck am I? I can’t do anything about it. I’m an idiot with a blog and a noisy keyboard.
He says on his blog he’s gonna do better, do the work, and make amends, and the naïve, 39 year old idiot manchild in me still believes him a little. But now’s probably not the time for conjecture.
As far as his works that I own? He has my money, already. If I want to spend more I can buy them used or pick an author who isn’t fucking awful. Hell I never read any KA Applegate growing up and she seems like a legend.
And to Neil: You don’t know I exist outside of Twitter, but mate, do better. For yourself, at least. Might not fix the hurt you’ve caused these women, or your fans, but at least you can fix yourself so you’re not such a shitty human. The world has enough of those.
Doing a social media cleanup. Found this in the void which is Facebook memories.
posting here for posterity. enjoy.
A cross section of Roses chocolates: A tasty, indulgent, and diabetic coma-inducing research paper by T. A. Farto.
(Alternative title: “I have chocolate and you don’t. Ner-ner-ner”)
One thing of note is modern packaging has made the text hard to read for the sight-impaired. Thus fulfilling what hereafter shall be referred to as “The Gump Theorem”.
To further complement the above, all chocolates are individually wrapped in similar-coloured packaging. This is known colloquially as the “Go Fuck Yourself Theorem”.
The chocolate themselves can be categorized as follows:
10% – Actually Good. These are the ones that one hordes for themselves like a dragon. These are solely what Roses boxes should comprise of.
70% – Trash. Possibly put into box to deter thieves or anyone in the 10-45 age demographic.
20% – What you offer to mates. They’re not in the top 10 percentile but these eventually make it into the hands of others, or your own after you’re hungover on New Years Day and there’s nothing in the house left.
20% – I failed at basic math in high school. Blow me.
Conclusion: Favourites are still the shit. Or, at least the branding is clearly marked so you know what to avoid.
More research is required to accurately place each individual serving into categories (read: I’m probably going to polish the box off anyway, because I have no shame).
NOTE: Preference of chocolate is highly subjective and the quality thereof is debateable. Except for whatever that pinky-white piece of shit is supposed to be. Best avoided or pelted at cars.
So ‘Don’t Eat the Felafel’ as an ezine was an amazing failure.
Maybe I’ll get back to it, maybe not. But it’s become very apparent that I do a lot of shit online, and I need someplace to curate it all into a handy-dandy list of shit I do…
…and still have a place for me to shitpost outside of Facebook, and blog my thoughts somewhere that people read. Which rules out Livejournal. Does anyone even use livejournal anymore?
Anyway welcome to rukusan.com.au version whatever. It’ll probably change back to ‘Don’t Eat the Felafel’ (edit. Changed it already. lol) because I love the title. but here we are.
