To keep myself amused and/or to scream into the void, I kept a diary of the occasional day here and there.
Thought I’d post here for posterity.
Without further ado:
Quitting smoking day 2 – 9:35am:
For comparison’s sake, I cracked at about 8:15am yesterday. So FUCK YEAH. NEW HIGH SCORE!
I’m not feeling the cravings as much. Patches appear to be helping but may be a placebo effect (they’re working too well. I haven’t called anything a cunt yet). But something is puzzling me…
What the hell do you non-smokers do all day?
I have spent the last five minutes wandering around listlessly looking for something to do. Had a crack on the guitar for about 10 minutes, gave the Xbox a look and a hearty “meh” soon after, now I’m just watching Youtube and prepping for editing work that I have been neglecting for months.
Okay granted, I’m home sick from work so there’s the extra boredom factor to tackle, but work has smoke breaks, and lunch, and whatnot, so I’d probably feel the same way there, too.
I bought a Rubix cube to distract myself. I’m going to solve the fucking thing by tonight at this rate. Good lord.
Is this what non-smoking life is like? Just being endlessly fucking bored?
“Oh being a non smoker is soooo great. You can breathe better, and less likely to die of horrible diseases, and doing any amount of exercise doesn’t fucking send you to an early grave, and you won’t sound like Tom Waits!”
Yeah, great. All for what? To stare at a fucking wall all day? How the hell do you people keep yourselves entertained?
And for the record, hypothetical non-smoker person; Tom Waits is a fucking champ. Those dulcet tones that sound like a badger being force-fed a running lawnmower make people weep, okay? Don’t make me car-bomb you for being a fucking embarrassment.
May 2nd, 2017
Quitting smoking, day three – 10.00am
24 hours without a single cigarette. Yeah, great, whatever, well done me.
I’d be more excited except I have a severe case of “that facemelty thing that happens when you open the Ark of the Covenant”, everything hurts, and I stayed up till the wee hours playing DayZ. Mostly because Dead by Daylight hates my dinosaur of a computer.
Let’s talk about DayZ for a minute, shall we?
That shit isn’t conducive to quitting smoking.
First off, your character is completely fucking hopeless. You start off with basically nothing, and hungry, and they won’t shut the fuck up about how hungry they are until you down three cans of beans and two powdered milks. Then they’re thirsty, so off you go in the middle of bumfuckistan to find a gazillion cans of pepsi. Just when you think you have that shit covered, BAM! Hungry again.
Who the hell is this hungry all the time? I’m more sugar than human at this point, and I can last basically three quarters of a day without eating. C’mon dude. pick your game up.
Then there’s the thing where you’re in the middle of Bumfuckistan.
You were spawned in Bumfuckistan,
you are continually hungry or thirsty in Bumfuckistan,
you will inevitably die in Bumfuckistan.
Where are all the cities? I’ve managed to find large towns and then got stuck at a coastal area with a lighthouse and died of starvation because Dudley Dickhead didn’t have food in 2.5 seconds.
At least he’s got being a zombie down pat; wander around aimlessly (you don’t get a map, so your best hope is to just find a road and hope it doesn’t lead to the fucking Lighthouse), satisfy eternal hunger, get stuck on stairs, or rocks, or flat concrete, or an infinite plane.
Oh, and holy shit you’re bad at combat. Like I get you’re not meant to be the Terminator or anything, but surely your numbnuts of a character can swing a fucking axe. Any time a melee weapon hits it just makes this unsatisfying “paff” sound. Jesus fucking christ, throwing toilet paper would do a better job.
Oh, and forget about unarmed fighting; the dude’s boxer stance just gives you false confidence. You’re going to die. Your character has all the punching power of an infant.
For some reason it’s running better on my computer now, so there’s that. plus even on low rez it’s rather pretty. I would have stuck around to admire the scenery, but Dudley Dickhead died of starvation again and I was re-respawned near the lighthouse.
May 3rd, 2017
Might help if I don’t derp and accidentally post non-Youtube shit into a youtube community…
Making good on one of my non-quitting-smoking resolutions… A sketch a week, or day, or whenever the fuck I feel like it.
Not sure if this is meant to be an ogre or self portrait…
January 8th, 2015
I haven’t had a smoke for 7 hours and I’ve already yelled at everything in the house.
To everyone who has to deal with me on a regular basis: I am so fucking sorry.
September 10th, 2018
First smoke of the day. It tastes like deep-fried shit with shit frosting…
Progress?
May 6th, 2015
Barely a few hours in and already I’m a snarling hellbeast.
Yeeeeah. next few days are going to be GREAT!
May 5th, 2015
Cracked after 4 hours…
Clearly I’m the hero Gotham deserves…
May 5th 2015
Okay. For reals this time. Take 2 and all that.
Have patches on, brain is still melting.
May 5th, 2015
Normally this would be worth a mere eye-roll. But seriously, Globe. I’m quitting smoking here. Don’t make me car-bomb you for being such a fucking embarrasment…
May 7th, 2015
Tonight’s episode of “I’m having withdrawals and I must scream”
Can we stop ‘breaking the internet’ already? You can’t break the internet. It’s the internet. No, not even Kim Kardashian’s probably-fake ass can break the internet.
The only thing that could break the internet is Liam Neeson’s giganto-cock. Pretty sure that dude woke up with morning wood one time and caused 9/11…
